Jackie: A Tale of Perversity and Woe

ARRRRGGGH. I mean, it's not that bad. Really it's not. I'm just... really lazy and don't wanna learn a whole bunch of new shit and new skillsets and have to get the hang of a whole, entirely new job that I have no experience in doing whatsoever. And also I'm not a fan of working every single day. IDEK. I'll stick it out the rest of this week at least.

I wish there was a way for me to just have more money. Or for me to get paid more at my current job, but that is NOT going to happen. If they won't give Qin -- who does practically everything -- more than $8 an hour, they're sure as shit not gonna give me a decent raise. Sigh. Maybe I could ask about the cashier thing again. At least I won't be completely starting from scratch there.

So, the other job wound up not working out. I went there the first day and omfg IT WAS SO FUCKING HOT IN THERE. There were four ovens in the place, no air conditioning, and the day was kind of hot enough as it was. I was relatively okay for the first four hours, but by noon I was a goddamn zombie. I realized I wasn't going to be able to do this every day, and I couldn't even get through the rest of that day and I left early and quit. I came back and asked if maybe I could just work there a couple days a week, but they called me back yesterday and it turns out they've hired two new people and don't need me. So I'm back at square one, and doubly screwed because I spent more money than I should have last month. Not a LOT, but still more than I needed to. And I've still had barely any hours.

So, I need to really start looking for a second job again.

Fuck.

One of the A&P stores by us flooded during Hurricane Irene, and as a result some of the people who work there have been working at our store. Katharine, who's been working the night shift with me sometimes, got a job at this school lunch place, and she told me they are desperately in need of prep work people. I called them about an hour ago and I have an interview scheduled for tomorrow.

There are pros and cons to this job, however. The pros are that the pay will (most likely) be better, it'll be full time so I'll have more hours and thus more money, even if I'm paid the same as I am at the A&P right now. Not to mention the schedule is consistent, so I'll always have weekends off.

The cons are it's early in the morning (but I'd get used to that after a while), and also that there isn't really any way for me to get there by myself. Katharine has said she'd pick me up and drop me off, but I don't feel comfortable relying on others all the time to get to work. What if she gets sick? What if no one is available to drive me there? I could take the bus, but I would be at least half an hour later. I'm taking the bus to the train station tomorrow, but the train to there doesn't come until 3 in the afternoon for some reason. So that's going to be an issue.

But I do know I can't keep working at the A&P. I rreeeallly don't want to get two jobs, and I'm just not making enough money. It's just not gonna work for me anymore. My student loans are crazy and I'm just barely squeaking by, and that's only because I've had money saved. If I didn't then I would have a negative balance every month after paying my loans. I can't only pay my loans, and even if I did spend money on absolutely NOTHING except that I still would be losing money, especially now that my hours have been cut again.

I seriously cannot do anything even a little fun, ever, because of these fucking student loans and the fact that I am not paid enough. I would have to spend absolutely no money ever in order to pay these loans and not lose money every month. It's ridiculous. It's not fair. I am working almost every single day and I still can't keep up with it. I don't know how this trip to Point Pleasant is going to work unless Rob pays for everything, which I can't let him do because he has almost no money (he's going to insist anyway, and he wants to see Captain America this weekend, but it's like, how can we do all this stuff you want to do and still have you pay for your half of the hotel room when I'm working all the time but get paid squat and you get paid decently but have barely any hours because they keep giving them to Adam for some reason?). It makes me feel so guilty having him pay for stuff all the time because I have much more money than he does. But I can't pay for food or barely anything because I don't make enough money to pay my loans every month AND buy other things more than a couple times a month. It's driving me crazy and makes me want to scream and throw things. I would have to be making at least $300 a week and it's just not going to happen.

Fuck everything, man. Clearly I'm just supposed to go to work and go home every single day and never go out or bake anything or eat anything that my parents didn't buy already. I can't go on vacation or pay for anything when I go places with Rob and I can't buy books or movies or anything at all. Just these stupid, stupid, STUPID loans. It's not fucking fair.

Hey, I haven't written an entry on here in over ten days and I just noticed.

So, what kind of shenanigans have I been getting up to? Not much, just seeing Weird Al Yankovic in concert and -- uh, well, that's pretty much it. And I also now have a boyfriend that can drive! Now I just need to learn how to drive and I'll really be an adult And also other stuff going on with said boyfriend that is too TMI to get into here. *waggles eyebrows*

I tried out that chicken recipe for the dinner party I will be co-hosting with Sophie on the 4th of June, and it is pretty damn tasty! I just have to dry out the chicken with a paper towel so it browns next time... and also find some fresh thyme. Somewhere. And this actually kind of sucks, because I now want to Cook Things! and I can't Cook Things! because I am too poor to buy meat and produce and crap, plus I still need to Bake Things!, so idk man, idk. Not having money to spare sucks. I'm gonna be pretty much forced to get a second job soon because I can't keep this up for very much longer, with my crap pay and crap hours.

Wow, this post got kind of depressing pretty quickly.

So, the deal with my tax refund was -- well, my mom decided to do my taxes for me while I was sleeping, and apparently she typed in the wrong account number, so my bank rejected the direct deposit. So I'm gonna be getting a check within the next week or two. At least I'll be getting it! I wish I had it now, though, so I could pay off my student loans and not be freaking out so much. But oh well. I'll get the money back soon after so I guess it's okay.

Also, my foot is (basically) better now. It still hurts a little bit when I walk but it's not anywhere near as bad as it was a few days ago. So, yay!

Also also, I've stopped watching Glee. I just can't take the stupidity and offensiveness and the sexism anymore.

I, weirdly enough, had a day off today, so I decided to go to the movies and see Easy A. It was pretty good. Pretty funny. I had a couple of issues with it, but overall enjoyable, I'd say.

Of course, then I had to go and waste my money on a pleather jacket. It is a very awesome jacket, though, so I'm not really sorry.

( Picture under the cut, yo )

Oh, and check out the new layout! Do you like?

LJ isn't loading for me at the moment, so I'm gonna post this at Dreamwidth for now.

I called Sallie Mae today, and it turns out that I will, in fact, need a co-signer for this $5000 loan. Which fucking sucks, because I have no idea who to ask. I can't ask my parents because they're filing for bankruptcy so obviously they will be rejected, and if I try to ask my grandma again it will probably take a month to track her down and get it done like last time, and possibly it will be a fruitless endeavor again. I pretty much never talk to any of my other relatives, and they would probably be rejected as well because, idk we are all poor fucks. I need to figure something out, and soon. I have to do this, you guys.

But! In more light-hearted news, there is a possible trip to San Diego in late May in the works. My mom just has to convince my dad to go. There's a concert or something, I dunno, but she said I can tag along on the trip if I pay my own airfare. So, sweetness.

Okay, so it looks like the forbearance problem with Sallie Mae has been fixed... for now. There is still the issue of the Stop Payment not going through in time, but if that's the case I suppose I will just have to suck it up and deal. At least I didn't have to pay another forbearance fee!

See, what happened was the $50 forbearance fee was applied to my principal balance instead of going through as a forbearance, is why all of a sudden I was in delinquency. The lady on the phone managed to fix it, though, so I didn't have to pay for another forbearance.

God, I really need a full-time job so I don't have to worry about this shit so much anymore. And soon. Also, at this rate it looks like the trip to Seattle is not going to happen. Why can't someone just give me a bag full of money already?!

Those fuckers. My loan is supposed to be in forebearance but now all of a sudden it magically isn't, I owe them money from a payment I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE FUCKING REQUIRED TO MAKE. And I can't call them and fix this until fucking Monday. I posted a payment but I'm going to get it canceled as soon as I can because I cannot spare $540 right now.

Does anyone else have Sallie Mae, and do they pull this kind of shit often? I know the forbearance went through because I talked to someone on the phone and they said it ended on 6/1/10, and I got an e-mail saying the same thing, so WHAT THE FUCK.