Jackie: A Tale of Perversity and Woe

I had a dream this morning where I was in an extreme state of depression because of all the shit that's happening in my real life, like my creative impotency and my loans and my shitty job and lack of a bright future. In the dream, I was remembering film school and how we filmed at a hotel this one time and how I threw a rope from one of the windows and started gliding over the city on it, dress fluttering in the wind. I wanted to watch it again so I went to a cabinet where a bunch of VHS tapes of my films and other moments in my life were... only to discover that they had all been taped over. I ran over to my mom to ask her what happened and she said my dad must've taped over them and that she'd try to fix it. While she was doing this I silently went over to the TV, unplugged it, and collapsed face-down on my bed, feeling numb and empty.

I recalled a group therapy session where the guy sitting next to me was talking about how some homeless guy had given him shoes that said "apathy" on them and how it reminded him to try to make his life better. I said that was stupid and you shouldn't get life advice from shoes (or something like that, I can't exactly remember). Then, everyone in the therapy session became colorful constellations in the night sky, urging me to do better and be better. So I got up, and I went over to the tapes and started fixing them myself. I woke up, and felt weirdly peaceful.

But now, remembering the dream, and trying to write a baking blog entry post, I feel like crying.

I have only ever seen one episode of this show, but I had this super awesome White Collar dream last night that was Peter/Elizabeth/Neal, and it was THE HOTTEST FUCKING THING EVER HOLY CRAP, and it was one of those dreams that make 100% sense, like there's actually nothing strange about them, and oh my god you guys, if I actually watched this show I would probably turn it into a fanfic, even though I'm sure it's been done tons of times already but WHATEVER IT WAS SO HOT AND AMAZING.

(actually most of my sex dreams lately have to do with threesomes; I wonder what that's all about)

I had a nice dream last night that starred Bradley Whitford. He had the moustache and he was very charming. I forget exactly what happened, though. I think we were walking on the street outside Bonner's house and just chatting.

Thought you'd all like to know.

Heading into the city today to deliver and receive footage from Kyle. I'll be finishing up my Christmas shopping as well. Not looking forward to spending more money, but oh well.

I had a dream this morning that I spent a shitload of money at some random mall where everyone I knew was shopping and Casey had a weird hair-cut and was trying to convince me to spend MORE money. I woke up and checked my bank statement online.

In other news, next week begins Five Nerdy Friends! What is Five Nerdy Friends, you ask? It's a YouTube channel where me, lonelysubmarine, danniisupernova, chemikalien, and tapeta will get to know each other through a series of vlogs, in the style of Five Awesome Girls and the like. It's gonna be legendary. (My vlog is on Fridays)

Five Nerdy Friends Channel

Five Nerdy Friends Comm

In my dream last night, I was walking down the street in my town, and there was a Dunkin' Donuts, and I was excited because I didn't know there was a DD's within walking distance of my house! And when I woke up I was still excited... until I remembered it was a dream, and in real life there isn't a Dunkin' Donuts close to my house. Mean, dream. Mean.

Also in my dream, I made out with Lady Gaga and me and Pete Campbell were going to run away together.

I got up at 10 this morning, which is too early to get up when I can just sleep in. Would you like to know why I did not just go right back to sleep?

Because I had a nightmare where I somehow got pregnant, but it was too late for me to get an abortion, and I had to have the baby, and absolutely everyone was trying to convince me to keep it.

ONE OF THE WORST DREAMS I HAVE EVER HAD. DDDDDDD:

I had a Kurt/Finn dream last night, and it was kinda awesome and hot. I feel tempted to make it into a fic but it'd be stupid and kinda OOC as a fic so I dunno.

Aaggh man I haven't been involved in fandom in ages and now all of a sudden I want to write fic for a fandom I swore I wouldn't get involved in! Damn you, Kurt/Finn. Damn you. Why must I always be a sucker for the Dude Pining Over Another Dude Who Does Not Reciprocate ships?? WHYYYY

I had this bizarre dream last night where Michael Ian Black was being raped by three different women inside of a bathroom (and the ringleader was this lady), and he had the body of a teenage boy and was wearing bright yellow tighty-whiteys.

...I don‘t even want to touch that one.

Today was a good day. I treated my mom to a movie, and we saw (500) Days of Summer, and it was great! We also sneaked in to see The Time Traveler‘s Wife, but it was so boring-bad that we left early. And I bought myself two more books -- Less Than Zero and The Sweet Far Thing.

I fucking hate when you wake up from a fantastic dream and you realize none of it actually happened. That happened to me last night; I woke up from this great dream and was like, "Wait... what is... OH GODDAMMIT!"

I just can't win, I'm tellin' ya.

REPLY TO THIS MEME BY YELLING "WORDS!" AND I WILL GIVE YOU FIVE WORDS THAT REMIND ME OF YOU. THEN POST THEM IN YOUR LJ AND EXPLAIN WHAT THEY MEAN TO YOU.

WATCHMEN
I've attempted to write a paragraph for this about five times but nothing is coming out right. So suffice it to say that Watchmen is awesome -- maybe the comics somewhat more than the movie, but still. In fact, I bought a Watchmen mug yesterday, because I am awesome. I should go test it out right now, actually.

...Aaaand now I need more teabags. heh, teabag

SHORT FILMS
It took a bit of soul-searching to get to the point where I realized I wanted to go into the film industry. Up until junior year my goal had just been "BECOME A WRITER LULZ" and it took the preparations for college in my junior year to allow me to realize that, you know, making a living as a writer isn't exactly likely. But I didn't know what the hell else I was good at, that I enjoyed doing, and that I was willing to make a career out of. I was scrolling through a list of majors when I came across "FILM" and I was like -- "Hey. Hey." I never really noticed how much I loved doing film-y things before that, really. I had made a live action version of Banana Phone my freshman year, had attempted to make a full-length feature, loved making my music video for TV class (even though it was crap), fucking loved making the promos for a fake teen soap opera called "Pablo's Puddle" for the drama club despite the stress it induced in me, and... it just felt right.

I still love writing, obviously, and I'm not deluding myself into thinking that breaking into film is going to be *~easy~*, but I love it, especially editing, which is my chosen career path. Making movies is great. Even if mine suck about 90% of the time.

NEW YORK
I just fucking belong there. I can't really explain it. I first went to NYC on a class field trip in fifth grade and something just clicked, man. My parents hate the city so we pretty much never went there, so every time I did go it was just magical. I don't understand how anyone can not like it. "OMG THERE'S SO MUCH CRIME AND IT'S DDIIIIIIIRRRTTYYY OMG". Those people just Do Not Get It. New York is amazing and you suck, so there.

FEMINISM
I hate how this has become a bad word and people are always like, "I'M NOT A FEMINIST, OKAY????" That is just all kinds of fucked up to me. Why don't you want to be a feminist? Don't you believe that women are equal to men, and should be treated and respected as such? What the fuck kind of decent person these days doesn't think that? It's sad how a couple of crazies managed to make this word what people think of it as today. It makes me sad.

SEXUALITY
Sexuality is fluid, and I believe that wholeheartedly. We go through stages in life where we're attracted to different things, based on a number of factors like environment, experience, et cetera, or for basically no reason at all. I think labels are pretty silly, and I think that people who are against gay marriage and gay rights are sad, brainwashed people and we should pity them.

It was the last day of the spring semester at SVA, and I decided I should throw a party -- more specifically, a wine-tasting party. Andrea couldn't come because she was on her way home to Michigan already, but as far as I knew everyone else could make it so I started inviting people. I remember Ian being particularly enthusiastic when I texted him the invitation, and he even stopped by my dorm to further emphasize how excited he was about the wine-tasting because he, like, totally loves wine-tasting or whatever.

However, I accidentally invited two people who were not in the class and who I definitely did not want to come, so this was a problem. I decided to worry about it later and go get the supplies for the party, when I realized I couldn't buy the wine myself, as I am underage and there is no way in hell I look old enough to buy alcohol. Luckily, I ran into my old friend Chris (who I haven't seen in years IRL), and he said he'd buy it for me.

So we're running around New York trying to find some damn wine but we can't find any. We wind up in a bunch of these bizarre places, including this colonial re-enactment restaurant-type place. They didn't have any wine, either. We never wound up getting the wine, and my dream changed into something else I think, but I can't remember it.

I just want to know why wine tasting, of all the things.