Editing Career Worries and Stuff

So I've been kind of taking it easy lately -- sitting around the house, watching movies, surfing the Internet, that sort of thing -- but last night I started looking for editing internships and the like, and I found pretty much no paid internships, and all of the non-paid ones require you to be in college. So it looks like that's out of the question and the only way I'm going to be able to get any experience is by editing in and of itself.

The problem is finding jobs (paid or un-paid) that are not complicated and do not require an intense technical knowledge of editing systems or how film processing works, etc. I've found a couple of things on a few websites but it's too late to apply to those specific ones. I'm going to have to drum up a "resume", even though I have very limited editing experience. I've only edited about a handful of student projects and only have a rather basic knowledge of Final Cut Pro and Avid Xpress. I'm hoping to bully my old classmates into letting me edit their stuff for them next year and using the facilities at the school in order to learn more about stuff like Pro Tools and Avid.

I don't have a lot of technical knowledge at this point in my "career" either, so that's a problem. I'm going to have buy books or try to take cheap courses or something; I don't know. Pretty much the only technical-ese I know is a couple of different video formats, aspect ratios, some editing techniques, and a few other things. I still have time to learn, of course, but the fact that I'm not going to be going to school anymore and won't have the advantage of learning from experienced instructors is going to hinder me quite a bit. I don't understand a lot of technical jargon.

Hopefully I can change all of this in the next few years. It's going to be very hard but I need to be able to manage it or... well. I don't really want to think about that.

FUCK

Fixing my keyboard is no longer covered under the warranty because apparently there is liquid damage, and now it's going to cost me over $300 to fix it. I just... I can't fucking afford it! I'll be worse off than I was before I started working and it's going to take me even longer to get back to where I am now, which isn't even that great in the first place. I'm going to have to postpone looking for editing jobs because I'm not going to be able to afford to go into the city whenever I like, and I'm going to have to cancel my birthday daytrip and I won't be able to spend any money except on transportation to and from work.

I've cancelled the repair for now, in case the keyboard is still working like it was the day I brought it in, but... God, why the fuck must everything in my life just go so fucking wrong? It's just one thing after another and I am getting sick to death of it. I mean, what's going to happen next? Am I going to have to owe SVA money I didn't know that I owed them? Will I have to start paying back my loans from last year soon? Will I ever get out of this stupid fucking state and out of this stupid fucking job and do what I want to do and live where I want to live? I know this seems like an extreme reaction to having to pay for a keyboard repair but fuck, NOTHING in my life is going fucking right and I feel like everything is completely hopeless and I will never get out of here or make anything of myself because I am always going to have to pay for something that prevents me from moving forward. And that's probably what's going to happen anyway with these stupid fucking loans for a school I've completely wasted my time at.